


A New Tomorrow, Today

by artificialghoul



Series: A Therapeutic Chain of Events [3]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hide lost his memories after Anteiku, M/M, Memory Loss, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-23
Updated: 2015-04-23
Packaged: 2018-03-25 09:26:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3805249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialghoul/pseuds/artificialghoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, Haise is struck by how familiar his relationship with Hide feels. Sometimes that familiarity is a comfort. And sometimes it hurts.</p><p>Or, the one where Hide and Haise finally talk about their memory loss.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A New Tomorrow, Today

Haise stared at the ceiling, trying to remember if he’d ever felt this good.

His heart was still beating a little too fast, and the sweat on his skin and in the sheets was starting to turn chilly, and he was achy in more than a few places. But he felt comfortable. In a way he didn’t think he’d ever experienced before. He felt at home, like he belonged, like he was wanted. And it was entirely thanks to the man lying next to him.

As if on cue, Hide exhaled in a huff, blowing a few stray hairs out of his face. His hair was getting long, Haise noted. He could pull most of it up into a messy ponytail now, which was something he’d begun doing more and more frequently.

Haise hadn’t admitted it aloud, but he loved when Hide wore his hair up, and he was sure Hide had noticed. Haise loved the sight of Hide’s exposed throat, and how stray hairs slipped free to caress the back of Hide’s neck, drawing Haise’s eyes to remind him just how much he loved to kiss the skin there, to feel Hide’s pulse rushing under his lips. Especially when the rest of Hide’s body was pressed against Haise’s, and his fingers were digging into Haise’s shoulders, and the only words escaping his lips were Haise’s name, repeated over and over like a prayer while he --

“What are you thinking about?” Hide’s voice drew him from his thoughts, his tone telling Haise he knew exactly what Haise had been thinking about.

Haise’s face flushed pink, eliminating any doubt, and Hide laughed.

“You’re insatiable!” Hide joked. “I can’t blame you though. I mean, look at this.” He gestured to himself, wearing that smug smirk -- the one Haise absolutely did not find attractive, no matter how many times Hide tried to get him to admit it -- and Haise groaned and buried his burning face in his pillow.

“You’re so embarrassing,” he told his lover, voice muffled by the pillow.

Hide laughed again, and Haise smiled despite himself, lifting his head to peek up at the man beside him.

He was beautiful, Haise thought. Hide was always beautiful, but especially here, especially now. Wearing that gorgeous, easy smile, with his face still flushed and glowing from their activities earlier, and his hair down and messed, just brushing his shoulders. And the way his warm eyes softened when he looked at Haise with so much love, like Haise was the most wonderful thing he’d ever seen and --

And there it was again. That stabbing sense of familiarity that left his head reeling and his heart aching.

He must have winced, because Hide was sitting up, leaning on his elbow and looking down at Haise with concern written all over his face.

“Hey, are you alright?” Hide whispered softly, and Haise felt his heart shatter. Tears threatened to break free and he still didn’t know _why_ , and somehow that only made the feeling worse.

Hide didn’t say anything, didn’t push. Just wrapped his arms around Haise and pressed his lips into Haise’s hair. Because Hide always seemed to know just what to do without Haise ever having to ask, and that thought sparked a new wave of pain, and Haise _still didn’t know why_.

He burrowed his face into Hide’s chest, breathing in his scent (that was more familiar than it should be too) and focusing on the warmth of his body. When he calmed, he almost thought of dropping the subject, of asking Hide to forget about it. He knew Hide wouldn’t pry. But these feelings had been eating away at him for so long, and he needed to know if Hide felt the same. He took a deep breath and forced the words out.

“Do you ever wonder about who you were before?” Haise asked. That wasn’t the question he most wanted to ask, but he didn’t think he could voice those worries just yet.

“I looked myself up, once,” Hide offered after a long pause. “I don’t know if I ever told you. I… didn’t find much. Just some school records, an old apartment address. I was a student at Kamii, and I apparently worked part-time as an errand runner for the CCG. It sounded like I was a pretty boring guy!”

He knew Hide was trying to cheer him up, but now that he had finally broached the subject, Haise didn’t want to drop it so quickly. “Doesn’t it bother you, when something feels so familiar, but you don’t have the memories to explain why?”

“Sometimes,” he answered vaguely, and Haise frowned. He knew he was going to have to be more specific.

“Do you sometimes feel like… you knew me before?” Haise finally asked, voice wavering.

Hide exhaled softly, and dipped his head to press his lips against Haise’s forehead. “Yeah,” he whispered. “Yeah. I do.”

Haise’s heart felt like it was trying to break free from his rib cage.

“It’s too much of a coincidence, right?” Hide continued, laughing without mirth. “The two of us are injured around the same time, wind up in a hospital, wake up without any memories, and both go to work for the CCG?”

He scoffed. Haise didn’t reply. The same thoughts had occurred to him.

“But it doesn’t bother me,” Hide continued softly. “I don’t think knowing would change how I felt about you.”

Haise’s heart swelled in his chest. But, Hide’s words brought another deep fear rushing to the surface. “Sometimes in my dreams, that man… talks about you.”

Hide stilled. This was a sensitive topic, one they’d only broached a handful of times in their entire relationship thus far. He stayed silent, waiting for Haise to continue.

“The way he talks makes it sound like -- “ Haise cut himself off with a sob caught in his throat. “What if he -- what if _I_ hurt you?”

Haise didn’t specify what he meant, but Hide knew he was referring to the injury that had caused him to lose his memories. Hide pulled Haise closer against his chest.

“I’m okay now, Haise,” he soothed. “There’s no reason to blame yourself. I’m okay.”

Haise let Hide run his hands up and down his back, whispering comforting words in his ear, and he’d almost relaxed. But there was something else. Something Hide mentioned earlier that was bothering him. Something on Hide’s mind that he wasn’t saying.

“Why would the CCG offer a part-time errand runner a job in Division Two?” Haise asked after a long pause.

Hide hummed in reply. “I must have been a pretty great errand boy if they wanted me back that bad,” he joked, scratching his cheek.

“But, they didn’t,” Haise interrupted. Hide pulled back to look down into his eyes. “They didn’t. It took them a while to even contact you.”

Hide’s lips quirked up into that mirthless smile again. “You’re right.”

“It was because of me,” Haise stated. And the sad look on Hide’s face told him Hide thought the same, but hadn’t wanted to worry Haise with that knowledge. “We did know each other. They know that we knew each other. They hired you again to keep an eye on you. Because you met me again and they don’t want to risk --”

Haise cut himself off, biting his lip. He didn’t know what the CCG was planning. He didn’t know anything, and that was exactly the problem. What if he’d put Hide in danger by getting him involved with the CCG again? What if he was the danger to Hide? What if --

“Hey, relax,” Hide whispered, tracing his hand along Haise’s cheek, and Haise realized his heart was pounding and his breaths were coming faster than normal. He focused on slowing his breathing, and Hide smiled warmly at him.

“You’re probably right,” Hide was saying in that warm, calming voice of his. “But it doesn’t matter.” Hide pulled Haise back into a tight hug. “None of that matters. We aren’t who we used to be anymore.” He kissed Haise’s cheek, trailing his lips down his jaw, down his neck.

Haise frowned, unconvinced. “But --”

“It doesn’t matter,” Hide repeated, then latched his lips onto the sensitive spot near Haise’s collarbone. Haise’s grip on Hide’s shoulders tightened. “We found each other,” he soothed between kisses past Haise’s collar, down his bare chest.

Haise’s fingers threaded through Hide’s hair as he craned his neck to watch Hide’s progress. His mouth moved, trying to respond, but the only noise that came out was a helpless gasp.

“Whatever happened before,” Hide continued, peppering open-mouthed kisses down Haise’s skin, “we have each other now.”

He trailed his fingers along Haise’s sides, hands curling around his waist as he kissed down his navel. A warmth was building in Haise’s gut with every touch of Hide’s lips, every brush of his fingertips.

“I’m here with you,” Hide said firmly, lifting his head to meet Haise’s eyes. “And nothing’s going to change that.”

Haise felt tears pricking in the corners of his eyes and he didn’t know if it was from the sudden surge of love for Hide or from frustration at the way Hide’s teeth were suddenly nipping at the sensitive skin of his hip or from the stress of their earlier conversation, or some combination of all three.

And then Hide’s lips moved lower and Haise’s back arched off the bed, fingers fisting in the sheets, and he forgot everything but the feel of Hide’s skin against his own and Hide’s lips wrapped around him.

Hide moved slowly, hands caressing his thighs while Haise tried to stay still. One of Hide’s hands drifted up to rest on Haise’s hip, the other trailing up his body to press down on his stomach, and Haise’s hips jerked forward at the feeling. He tried to apologize, but the only sounds that left his lips were broken sighs ending in soft moans, and Hide’s name on his tongue.

Hide didn’t seem to mind, seemed content to worship Haise until he didn’t have the energy to worry about their missing memories, or their previous lives, or the CCG, or anything else. And Haise was all too willing to let him.

And Hide knew just where to touch, just how to move his tongue, just when to push and just when to pull back to leave Haise gasping for breath. And when Haise hit his peak with a ragged moan, Hide’s familiar touch was there to guide him back down, caressing him as he relaxed into their bed, mind blissfully blank.

Haise felt Hide shift beside him, cuddling into his side and kissing his neck, and Haise turned to wrap his arms around Hide’s shoulders. The warm, content feeling from earlier had returned, and Haise couldn’t remember why he’d been so worried earlier. Hide was here, and Hide was his.

As long as he had Hide, he didn’t need anything else.

**Author's Note:**

> Help me, I can't stop writing this AU.


End file.
